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Building to an announcement
I'm dressed like this because I'm 'building' to big news!Dean Pelton

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Script This page is a transcript for the Season Two episode Basic Rocket Science.




Episode Transcript[]

Cold Open[]

Richie's first appearance on the show.   

Summary: Dean Pelton learns of City College's space simulator, and calls an emergency meeting to create their own.



·  2

Cold Open, Scene 1[]


(Shot of unnamed Greendale employee sprinting through the hallway. He throws open the door to an office, where Craig Pelton is presenting a slideshow.)

Employee: City college has a space simulator!

Richie: We know. Close the door.

Dean: As I was saying, City College will be unveiling the City College Cosmic Pioneer: their very own orbital launch simulator. Pretty soon, they will have an astronaut on their brochure and we will still be bragging about our foosball table.

(The projection changes to a slide about Greendale Community College's Foosball table.)

Dean: What do you think happens to enrollment then?

(A map of City College and Greendale is presented, City College portrayed in red. The Dean tracks with his finger as red begins to envelop the whole map, including Greendale.)

Dean: I don't know about you gentlemen, but I love my campus. And I don't wanna watch it become a City College parking lot.

Richie: Well, what can we do?

Dean: We can launch our own space simulator. Before they simulate their launch on Monday, we can simulate a launch this weekend. We make Greendale, not City College, the first community college to pretend to put a man in space.

Richie: Do we even have a simulator?

Dean: We can get one.

(Various slides are presented detailing The Eleven Herbs & Space Experience.)

Dean: In 1980, the County Museum had a state-of-the-art space mission simulator sponsored by Kentucky Fried Chicken called "The Kentucky Fried Chicken Eleven Herbs & Space Experience." Gentlemen: Greendale's future!

(The Dean gestures to the simulator. It looks sleek and futuristic. Everyone oohs.)

Dean: Actually, that photo is from the past. Here is one more current.

(The slide shows the simulator now, which is grimy and broken. Everyone groans.)

Richie: It's seen better days.

Dean: I admit, it could use a good wash. And I've got just the crew to wash it.

(Triumphant music begins to play as we cut to...)

Cold Open, Scene 2[]


(The Study Group walks through the Greendale parking lot in slow motion, dressed to clean. Abed Nadir leads the pack. The music swells.)

Jeff: Can we stop walking in slow-mo now?

Abed: Twenty more yards.

Pierce: You guys are walking in slow-mo?

Act 1[]

2X4 Off to the final frontier   

Summary: The group boards the simulator, accidentally blasting off in the process.



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· 3

· 4

· 5


(The group arrives at The Kentucky Fried Chicken Eleven Herbs & Space Experience, where Dean Pelton is already waiting.)

Dean: You guys are an hour late!

Annie: Abed kept making us redo our walk!

Dean: I think you know the reason this group has been chosen for this job.

(He holds up the new Greendale flag design, labeled with "E Pluribus Anus" and a very obvious butthole.)

Dean: To atone for the obscene entry you submitted in the Greendale school flag contest. That's right. I know this isn't a symbol for the 'crossroads of ideas', I now know it's a butt.

(Everyone snickers.)

Dean: Yeah, keep snickering. Pack yourself with peanuts and really be satisfied. But guess what? This won! This is now our school flag forever! Are you proud of yourselves?

Troy: How do you know it was our flag? We submitted it anonymously. Oops.

Dean: One of you actually came forward.

(Everyone looks at Annie Edison.)

Annie: What?

Dean: Now, somewhere beneath this dirt is Greendale's newest pride. And my hope is that while you scrub it, you will find the school pride in your hearts.

Abed: After we clean it, can we go inside?

Dean: No. That is a job for some upstanding students who are training right now in the 'Simulator Simulator'.

(Cut to Leonard Rodriguez, sitting in a cardboard box with buttons drawn on it in Sharpie.)

Leonard: Great job on this! It's hard to believe I'm not really not really in space.

(Cut back to the parking lot.)

Dean: I expect this craft to be squeaky clean in time for the pretend launch in front of the press at three o'clock.

(He holds up the design one more time.)

Dean: Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to make this into a butt flag.

(Dean Pelton leaves.)

Britta: Man, I remember this thing from high school. During field trips, we used to sneak inside and get...

(She notices Shirley Bennett.)

Britta: praying.

Shirley: Oh, that's nice!

Annie: We should take a coffee break! Let's all get coffee, okay? Where are Troy and Abed?

Jeff: I'm pretty sure they made their way into that thing five seconds after the Dean left.