Many of the Study Group's days at Greendale began with an announcement over the "PA system" or a portable PA boom box. The announcement were usually given by Dean Pelton. The first occurrence of the use of the "PA system" is the Season One episode "Pilot".
"Uh, good morning! Uh, many of you are halfway through your first week at Greendale and, uh, as your Dean I thought I would share a few thoughts of wisdom and inspiration. What is community college? Well, you've heard all kinds of things. You've heard it's "loser college" for remedial teens, twenty-something drop-outs, middle-aged divorcees, and old people keeping their minds active as they circle the drain of eternity. That's what you heard, however... I wish you luck! Okay, you know, uh-oh...there's actually more to this speech there is a middle card that is missing. Can we all look in our immediate areas...?"
"Good afternoon Greendale Community College! I am your Dean with a few corrections to the Fall class catalogue. "Cosmology" should be "Cosmetology", "Astrology" should be "Astronomy" and, uh, the students on the cover should be smiling but, uh, I suppose that's a matter of opinion. Whoever is growing a small patch of cannabis, congratulations you have won a cruise. Report to security office in order to claim your tickets. In order to increase awareness about homelessness, security has been given binoculars. In campus news, the debate over our library's PA system continues with some students suggesting its volume be lowered while others question its very purpose. More on this story as it unfolds."
"Good morning, Greendale Community College. This is your Dean reminding you that among your school's prestigious alumni is Mr. Luis Guzmán, celebrated actor and model Puerto Rican-American. This Friday, we will be dedicating a statue of Guzmán and unveiling our brand-new school song. So boy, I don't know about you, but this sure feels like a real college to me. Greendale, Greendale, Greendale."
"Okay, you can hear me? Okay. Good morning! I'm here to kick off the first day of a new tradition at our school called Green Week. All this week, Greendale College is becoming so Earth-smart that we're changing our name to Envirodale!"
"Happy last day before winter break, Greendale. Time to visit our loved ones. Some of you will travel as far as three miles! Don't forget to visit our winter wonderland, where we're giving away catalogues of next semester's classes. Ha-ha-ha! Whoa! What's that sound? Is that the tippy-tapping of secular boots on the roof? Oh, well, it must be yet another sign that it 'tis the season, because rumor has it that non-denominational Mr. Winter is on his way to the student lounge."
"It's Valentine's week, when the Greendale Human Being is the Cupid Being, delivering your gift to that special someone. But remember, Cupid's face is magic marker on nylon, so love is not only blind but also dizzy and a little belligerent."
“Good morning, Greendale. As you know, it is April Fools' Day. Just kidding. It's the day before April Fools. See what I did there?”— Dean Pelton
“Baba booey, baba booey, baba booey!”— Leonard
“You know what, Leonard? Strike two! Anyway, just reminding you to keep any April Fool's pranks physically safe, politically balanced and racially accessible. When in doubt, check the guidelines in our college pranks literature.”— Dean Pelton
“It's hard to believe, but finals are here. And I know that during this stressful time, my voice blaring over a PA can't help. Which is why, for the next three days, you'll hear nothing but soothing sounds of nature. And to kick it off, here's a babbling brook.”
“And now, crickets!”
“Happy finals week, Greendale. Continuing our stress-reducing nature sounds, that's cut five from Sounds of the Serengeti. Here's a B-side from that album, antelope slaughter at Ndutu.”
"Welcome students, new and old, to another fall semester at Greendale. It's time for clean slates and fresh starts. Celebrate your fresh start tonight at the Fresh-Start Dance in the cafeteria. The same cafeteria where Britta Perry professed her love to Jeff Winger who then walked out on her. Unforgettable. Plus, free punch and fresh-start cookies tonight at the Fresh-Start Dance!"
“Attention, students. The Puppy Parade is starting on the quad. Better come quick. Every moment, these puppies grow older and less deserving of our attention.”
“It's getting a little chilly outside, so the animal wranglers asked every student pick up a puppy and hold it so they stay warm while the volunteers hand out puppy-sized hats. Honestly, I don't know why I'm even making these announcements. There can't be anyone who isn't already on the quad.”
"Ahem. It's that very special time of year, Greendale. A time for me to remind you that your school acknowledges no specialness to this time of year. You do, of course, have a constitutional right to lend this season the significance of your choosing in any of our designated holiday zones."
“Don't forget, Greendale. It's the last day to sign up for a spring semester elective. Horseback riding, water skiing, fencing. Those are just a few classes we can afford to offer if enough people pay to learn hopscotch.”— Dean Pelton
“Attention, please. Attention, please. All elective forms must be in by the end of the day.”— Manuel
“Oh, nice job, Manuel. And good news, there's still plenty of room in my PA Announcements class. Just 10 bucks an hour.”— Dean Pelton
"Greendale students, I understand you've unified and intend to draw this game out. Well, if it's a war you want, it's a war you will lose. City College is stronger, faster. Our sperm counts are higher, even in our women. Resistance is as pointless as your degrees. Honestly, ask yourself, what does "Liberal Arts" even mean?"
"We have a few students with birthdays today, but hey, why single them out? What about the students who aren't celebrating anything at all? Are they any less special? Troy and Jeffrey and Annie and Britta and Shirley and Pierce and Abed and Jeffrey just a few of the most special students in the world!"
"Welcome back, human beings! Dean Pelton here, wishing you another magic year at Greendale, ranked America's number two community college by GreendaleCommunityCollege.com. Regarding the recent tragedy surrounding a certain collapsed bridge, we will be observing a moment of silence on the quad followed by four years of silence to the press."
“Attention, Greendale. I'm standing here with Abed Nadir, who has chosen to give his best friend, Troy, the very special going-away present of declaring a school-wide game of hot lava! Hot lava is the sweet, classic children's game in which you are not allowed to touch the floor, or you're dead. I think it's cute, and while I normally don't condone climbing on furniture, Troy and Abed's friendship has been such a special and magical part of Greendale, we owe it to ourselves to honor it. Abed, anything to add?”— Dean Pelton
“Yes, take this seriously. Stay on furniture. No books, no bags. The dead can't talk. No coming back as a lava monster. oh, and because the non-awesome often need incentive to do awesome stuff, the final survivor will win my near mint condition number one issue of Space Clone valued by the comics authority at $50,000. The floor turns to lava in ten, nine, eight, seven...”— Abed
"Attention, Greendale. I'd like to propose we basically forget everything that happened over the last few days. And I don't anticipate a lot of push back on that. I think we're all pretty embarrassed."
"Hello Greendale. I understand that G.I. Joe has breached the perimeter. Please eliminate them. And please don't forget this Saturday is the Cobra fun run. If you miss it, you're letting the anti-terrorists win."
“Attention students and faculty of Greendale. I pressed this button on accident but might as well check in. How are you?”— Dean Pelton
“Aw, that's nice. I'm good too. I love you guys.”— Dean Pelton
“We love you too!”— Greendale
“Hello Greendale, as you know, our school will soon be replaced by a sandwich university. However, every ending is also a beginning. Sure, things may look bad now. Some of us may have no idea where we're going or what to do. But okay, okay, I should have written this out. I thought I'd be able to come up with something on the fly.”— Dean Pelton
"Welcome back to Greendale! Now ranking fifth on Colorado's alphabetical listing of community colleges. Rest in peace, Fatboy Slim's DJ School. This school owes its continued existence to the following heroes: Jeff Winger, a teacher so dedicated to clean energy he's already parking like his car is electric. Britta Perry, currently raising awareness of homelessness, not that she has a choice. Abed Nadir, who actually wrote this announcement for the sake of, as he put it, catching everyone up. And Annie Edison who led the effort to save Greendale from 534 critical emergencies."
"Congratulations, Greendale students! We've pulled off another year and we're still standing. Take that health inspector, building inspector, foundation inspector, water line inspector, geologist, exterminator, plumber and Dad."