Director: Adam Davidson — Writer: Chris McKenna — Aired: April 29, 2010 —Season: One — Number: Twenty-Two Summary: Pierce is kicked out of the group; Jeff and Britta are mocked; Troy and Abed do college cliches.
So we were just wondering can you tell us exactly what you did in your lives to end up here so that we don't make the same mistakes? Because if I end up thirty-five and celebrating a B in nutrition in community college, I'll kill myself.
— Mark Cahill talking to Jeff and Britta
Jeff and Britta meet in the Cafeteria before their study session and catch up. Jeff is celebrating a B in Nutrition while Britta is knitting an eye-patch for the cat she recently adopted. Three high-schoolers, taking classes at Greendale, ask for advice. Jeff and Britta assume the trio is looking for tips on succeeding at college but instead the teenagers insult them by facetiously asking how they ended up at a community college in order to avoid the same fate. They walk to the study room, Britta still incensed about the encounter, Jeff claiming to not be bothered at all. However, he blows up at Pierce, who is annoyingly tuning a guitar, showing that the youngsters really got to him. Pierce begins to croon a sappy love song when Abed grabs the guitar and smashes it on the table.
And so it begins.
He explains that he's trying to fulfill his Quintessential College Experience List, filled with what movies taught him make a successful college life. Troy offers to assist so Abed quickly pantses him. Troy returns the favor and Abed explains that both actions were on his List. Pierce gets into the spirit of things and pantses Shirley when she enters the room. While Annie tries to comfort Shirley in the bathroom Pierce obstinately refuses to admit he was wrong, going so far as to expect an apology from Shirley for ruining his joke. The Shmitty teens appear and step up their insult attack on Jeff and Britta, including Pierce this time. Jeff continues to be frustrated by his inability to retort. After a brief discussion of Pierce's offensive behavior, Shirley calls a meeting and lays out an ultimatum: either Pierce leaves the group or she does. The group quickly votes and Pierce is out.
Jeff and Britta wait for the teenagers to arrive at school and after seeing Mark's mom they take a cheap shot at his parents being divorced. Mark sarcastically parrots the insult ending it with "Duh!". His friends join in mocking all of Jeff and Britta's replies in a similar manner. The two retreat to the study room where Troy and Abed show up with a City Collegemascot they kidnapped as part of Abed's list. Britta, still upset from the drubbing she got from the teens, insults Troy. Abed points out that Pierce was the scapegoat of the group; without him around to take the brunt of criticisms another study group member has to take his place. At first they dismiss Abed's theory but as they start arguing amongst themselves they realize he's right. When Shirley leaves the rest of the group decides they need to get Pierce back to restore the balance.
"If all we need is a new escape goat I say we let this one go!"
The group advises Pierce that he can return by making amends with Shirley. Reluctantly, he agrees. However, he approaches and begins to apologize to another black woman he mistakes for Shirley, who is sitting nearby. Shirley furiously yells at Pierce who maintains his innocence, telling her that the group made him apologize. She confronts the group, telling them she understands where she stands with them and storms off, quitting the group. Right on cue, the Shmitty teens reappear to kick the group while it's down. They walk off to meet their ride, Mark's mother Chantelle Cahill, when Britta has an epiphany on how to take down the teens: Jeff needs to bang Mark's mom. Annie refocuses their attention on helping Shirley but Jeff and Britta cannot contain their enthusiasm over the new plan.
This can only go well.
As the school day begins, Shirley and Pierce park their cars and glare at each other. Chantelle drops off the teens and Jeff makes his move. Pretending to be out running, he asks Chantelle for a sports drink and quickly charms her. Troy and Abed wheel their robot, Boob-A-Tron 4000, through the parking lot towards a group of coeds running a car wash. Troy gets cold feet, worried that the fallout from the prank could be too severe for him. But when Abed explicitly over-dramatizes the moment by appealing to friendship, Troy rejoins the escapade. Shirley and Pierce both arrive at the library to study on their own. When Pierce learns that Shirley quit the group because they wanted him back, they both commiserate over how they are ignored and disrespected by the group. Shirley is unconvinced when Pierce claims to be the only one who respected her. Pierce explains that he pantsed Shirley because he respected her, knowing it wouldn't diminish her entitlement to respect. Though unimpressed, Shirley accepts this reasoning. Pierce misreads Shirley's approval and moves in to kiss her with predictable results.
Not even flexing.
Britta watches Jeff and Chantelle get along affectionately in the cafeteria when the Shmitty teens arrive. Mark walks up and exposes Jeff's ulterior motives and Chantelle quickly turns on Jeff. After noting how terribly Mark has been raised, Jeff starts to leave but Chantelle asserts that she raises winners who crush losers like Jeff and Britta. This is the last straw and Jeff, Mark, Mark's friends and Britta are all soon embroiled in an epic 12-minute DUH-off. As Jeff and Britta's resolve wanes, Abed comments that losing the battle will destroy Jeff's and Britta's fragile egos. The Shmitty teens move in for the kill but Pierce and Shirley sneak up and pants them. Momentarily distracted, the teens neglect to maintain their verbal assault. Jeff and Britta rise, victorious, and Chantelle berates Mark for getting "pwned" and hustles him away.
It's on now!
Pierce and Shirley tell the others that they would both like to rejoin the group. Troy tells Abed that the List is feeling too forced. Abed agrees, lamenting that classic college experiences never happen organically. At that moment Troy, then Abed, get hit in the face by flying pieces of cake thrown by the Shmitty teens. The cafeteria erupts in a massive food fight as captioned freeze-frames tell us the future of Kelly Cortlandt (Professor of Sociology; Yale University, 2021), Scott Waugh (Michigan Supreme Court Justice; 2045), Annie (Remained Jewish despite ingestion of airborne pork), Shirley and Pierce (Never wed), Britta (Proud owner, used iPod Nano, 2014), Mark Cahill (Medical License Revoked; Whereabouts Unknown), Jeff (Banged Mark's mother. Twice.), and Troy and Abed (will be back in College Cut-Ups 2: Panty Raid Academy).
Troy and Abed are in the student lounge, discussing their "porn names" which they derived from their grade school and their favorite soft drink, but things get awkward when a pizza delivery guy arrives with an extra sausage pizza.
Recurring or debuting running gags in this episode:
A dollop of whipped irony:
Jeff celebrates a good grade in his nutrition class by eating a pie with "a dollop of whipped irony".
After the group kicks him out, Britta calls Pierce a child for having walked past her without saying a word when she greets him. She then shows herself to be childish as well when she sees Mark Cahill and calls him a "stinky turd face".
Bag-ul: Troy mispronounces and misunderstands the word "scapegoat", thinking it's escapegoat. After being mocked by Britta, he brings up the fact that she mispronounces the word "bagel".
Bon Appetit!: "If the wallet chain fits... I'm just trying to help you find yourself." - Pierce
Butt stuff: Troy and Abed have to walk around with pretzels in their butts, and Troy put mustard on his, like an idiot.
Gasp: Britta causes Annie to gasp and then mimics that gasp. This elicits a more pronounced gasp from Annie and an echo of mocking gasps from others in the group.
Screw you guys: Pierce gets kicked out of the group for pantsing Shirley. Shirley then quits when the other group members want her to forgive Pierce.
Zzzzz: Troy pretends to sleep as Shirley realizes that the group were the ones who sent Pierce to apologize.
Abed and Troy engage in numerous escapades reminiscent of famous movie scenes about life in college. The end titles mimic the closing credits style of such college comedy films.
Troy and Abed pledged to a fraternity on campus which according to the Greek letters on thier t-shirts is named "Omega Theta Rho" (ΩΘP). In modern English letters this spells out "OTP" which is an Internet slang from shipping fandoms. It referred to the "One True Pairing" of a television show, a duo that a fan feels is somehow destined to be together.
Troy and Abed discuss their hypothetical porn names in the study room when a bass riff begins in the background and a pizza delivery guy appears, two well-known tropes of porn movies.
Up against the wall:
Abed comments throughout the episode about various characters, particularly Jeff and Britta and their battles with the Shmitty teens.
Pierce and Shirley both note that they aren't often included in the activities of the younger group members.
Frequent background extras Long haired guy and Jeremy make another of over 65 and 45 episode appearances respectively. Long haired guy is in numerous scenes, most prominently behind Troy, Abed and Annie just before the food fight begins. Both are seen studying together in the hallway in the End Tag.
In the End Tag, the pizza company is "Papa Genoché Pizza". In future episodes (such as "Remedial Chaos Theory") the pizza company is "Pizza Time Pizza".
“Excuse me. Hi. We're in high school but we're here taking some classes for college credit.”— Mark
“All right, way to be go-getters.”— Britta
“Thanks. So we were just wondering can you tell us exactly what you did in your lives to end up here so that we don't make the same mistakes? Because if I end up thirty-five and celebrating a B in nutrition in community college, I'll kill myself.”— Mark
“I have done things with my life. Awesome things. I've been to fourteen countries. I helped build a school in Kenya. I once met Sting at a Cracker Barrel.”— Britta